El Chauvinisto

Hello, my name is El Pup. As a chauvinist I am constantly faced with the burden of dealing with women every time I go in to a public area. The reason for this is unfortunately women make up over half of the population.

No worries, as a man I have learned how to best adapt to ALL women that I am forced to encounter.

Today’s topic is women.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, put away those penis cutters all you ladies who are on this site (despite strong warning given FOR YOUR OWN GOOD). This is not the “blah blah blah inferior gender” speech I spewed out after reading the glorious masterpiece “MEN>WOMEN”.

Rather it is a list of facts and proper reactions to help MEN better tolerate… I mean “understand” women.

To all women who are about to read this; this is FOR men, but I will allow women to read it. It’s the least I could do for all the times I drank a Smirnoff ice knowing full well it was made for women.

However, if this hurts your feelings and you NOW think we’re a bunch of “pigs” and that we “don’t care”,
I would like to take this moment to beg you to PLEASE not swear off MEN like you swore off drinking ever again, chocolate, Ice cream, fried food, Carbs, crying over boyfriends, buying shoes that are half a size too small, being “catty” towards other women, etc…

Rather, try to understand we just have a different type of brain from you.

HEY, at least we’re pretending to care! That should show you we at least “care” about not hurting your feelings, and isn’t that what really matters?

LESSON 1
Facts about women and HOW TO BETTER “UNDERSTAND” THEM:

-women don’t like anal sex… They FUCKING LOVE IT!
-women will do anything for chocolate
-chocolate makes women fat (and women don’t like being fat)
-If you see a woman anywhere near chocolate, roll up a paper, smack her on the nose and say “NO, BAD WOMAN” (she’ll thank you for it)
-if she asks if something makes her look fat, walk out of the room. When you come back and she asks why you did that, walk out again. Repeat until she thinks it’s cute and forgets what she was talking about.
-When a woman asks “how big is your dick?” remind her that there’s a 70% chance she’s never had and never will have an orgasm anyways so it shouldn’t REALY matter.
-If she starts faking having an “orgasm” during sex, put your finger on her mouth and say “SHHHH. Can you please be quiet? I’m trying to concintrate!”
-When a women asks if you respect her say “more than I respect my own mother”… she doesn’t have to know “how much” you respect your mother, she just needs to know you respect her more than another woman that cares about you.
-you don’t have to “listen” to women because they will accuse you of not listening regardless
-Allowing your woman to go on the internet unsupervised will fill your place with useless crap from ebay, empty chip bags, chocolate wrappers, and dirty dishes. Before she starts thinking your credit/debit card is a magical Ebay wish-list granter, or posts ALL HER PERSONAL INFO ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK be sure to redirect her to more productive activities.

LESSON 2
So what is the best type of woman to date?
Self Conscious women are the best women to date! Despite asking too many questions they usually watch what they eat, always try to look pretty, always keep trying to make their man happy (even if its just because they are desperate for approval) and assume everything is their fault which will Prevent 99.9% of fighting.

But my woman is not self conscious, how can I get her to be?
When a woman accuses you of “not listening”(and she will) tell her she has a defect, like she mumbles and slurs her words a lot so you have a hard time understanding her, then explain that you (and by extension everyone she knows) didn’t want to point it out because you thought it would embarrass her. With luck, she’ll become a self conscious woman and EVERYONE WINS!

LESSON 3:
DO NOT CONFUSE SELF CONSCIOUS WOMAN WITH THE “PITY WOMAN”

The “Pity woman” will think she is a self conscious woman, but really she is just aware of all of her flaws and ashamed of them (like she should be!). They build pity for themselves because they some how think being self aware makes up for a lack or effort to correct her behavior.
Ironically women can’t tell the difference between “Pity woman” & A Self Conscious woman because they are too busy insulting other women or too busy convincing themselves they’re SOOO not like the women they’re insulting.

well men, here’s a few ways to tell:

-Is fat, and still insists on eating. (And don’t let her sucker you with that ‘she needs it to survive’ bullshit. She’s been doing FAR better than just “surviving” for a LONG TIME.)
-Thinks she’s asking a question but is really trying to “tell you” something… by not telling you. (If this happens, this should be a somber reminder that you should feel sorry for those who don’t understand how to properly communicate.)
-She starts arguments because she didn’t assume she was at fault first. She may initially try and get you to “half agree” it was your fault too, but that’s just her way of starting a fight because she lacks the ability to communicate and thinks arguing solves things, Especially if she gets to do some yelling (unless your yelling as well, then convinces herself its going nowhere until she can start yelling again).

LESSON 4
What is the type of Woman I should never be around?
paris hilton

Can you specify more?
No, a MAN already knows exactly what I’m talking about.

FINAL LESSON!
If the woman is related to you, remember 2 things
1. She can’t talk with a mouth full of chocolate
2. You’re not gonna hit that! Why should you care how fat she gets!? (Rule 2 not applicable in West Virginia, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, Indiana, Eastern parts of Texas and Southern Portions of Virginia)

Unfortunately I haven’t been able to spend as much time as I would like making this blog everything It could be. Absolutely nothing is off limits for you on this site. So, if you’re interested in getting your opinions heard, no matter how inflammatory, please consider becoming a contributing writer here at El Chauvinisto. To apply, simply use the contact page above and please use an accurate email address where you can be contacted, as further instructions will be sent via email. As always, your complete anonymity is safe with me. The First Amendment is respected here as well.

One of the male producers at MSNBC completely blows up at some dumb cunt reporter. His use of language is excellent. MSNBC could be the last bastion of hope for men in the workplace. I think I’m going to apply for a job there…

This post was taken directly from: http://www.theconversationcafe.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5008

Are you tired of male-bashing and victimology?
Have you had your fill of feminist “Ms./Information”?
Have you been misled by factually challenged professors?
TAKE THIS TEST:

Campus feminism is a kind of cult: As early as freshman orientation, professors begin spinning theories about how American women are oppressed under “patriarchy.” Here is a list of the most common feminist myths. If you believe two or more of these untruths, you may need deprogramming.

THE TEN MOST COMMON FEMINIST MYTHS:

1. Myth: One in four women in college has been the victim of rape or attempted rape.

Fact: This mother of all factoids is based on a fallacious feminist study commissioned by Ms. magazine. The researcher, Mary Koss, hand-picked by hard-line feminist Gloria Steinem, acknowledges that 73 percent of the young women she counted as rape victims were not aware they had been raped. Forty-three percent of them were dating their “attacker” again.

Rape is a uniquely horrible crime. That is why we need sober and responsible research. Women will not be helped by hyperbole and hysteria. Truth is no enemy of compassion, and falsehood is no friend.

(Nara Schoenberg and Sam Roe, “The Making of an Epidemic,” Toledo Blade, October 10, 1993; and Neil Gilbert, “Examining the Facts: Advocacy Research Overstates the Incidence of Date and Acquaintance Rape,” Current Controversies in Family Violence eds. Richard Gelles and Donileen Loseke, Newbury Park, CA.: Sage Publications, 1993, pp.120-132; Robin Warshaw (with Ms. Foundation) I Never Called It Rape: The Ms. Report — With afterward by Mary Koss, New York: Harper Perennial, 1988; Mary Koss, et al “The Scope of Rape,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 1987, Vol.55, pp.162-170; Mary Koss, et al “Stranger and Acquaintance Rape,” Psychology of Women Quarterly, 1988, Vol.12, pp.1/24.Campus Crime and Security, Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, 1997. *According to this study, campus police reported 1,310 forcible sex offenses on U.S. campuses in one year. That works out to an average of fewer than one rape per campus.)

2. Myth: Women earn 75 cents for every dollar a man earns.

Fact: The 75 cent figure is terribly misleading. This statistic is a snapshot of all current full-time workers. It does not consider relevant factors like length of time in the workplace, education, occupation, and number of hours worked per week. (The experience gap is particularly large between older men and women in the workplace.) When economists do the proper controls, the so-called gender wage gap narrows to the point of vanishing.

(Essential reading: Women’s Figures: An Illustrated Guide to the Economic Progress of Women in America, by Diana Furchtgott-Roth and Christine Stolba, published by the Independent Women’s Forum and the American Enterprise Institute, Washington, D.C. 2000.)

3. Myth: 30 percent of emergency room visits by women each year are the result of injuries from domestic violence.

Fact: This incendiary statistic is promoted by gender feminists whose primary goal seems to be to impugn men. Two responsible government studies report that the nationwide figure is closer to one percent. While these studies may have missed some cases of domestic violence, the 30% figure is a wild exaggeration.

(National Center for Health Statistics, National Hospital Ambulatory Medical Care Survey: 1992 Emergency Department Summary , Hyattsville, Maryland, March 1997; and U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, Violence-Related Injuries Treated in Hospital Emergency Departments: Washington, D.C., August 1997.)

4. Myth: The phrase “rule of thumb” originated in a man’s right to beat his wife provided the stick was no wider than his thumb.

Fact: This is an urban legend that is still taken seriously by activist law professors and harassment workshoppers. The Oxford English Dictionary has more than twenty citations for phrase “rule of thumb” (the earliest from 1692), but not a single mention of beatings, sticks, or husbands and wives.

(For a definitive debunking of the hoax see Henry Ansgar Kelly, “Rule of Thumb and the Folklaw of the Husband’s Stick,” The Journal of Legal Education, September 1994.)

5. Myth: Women have been shortchanged in medical research.

Fact: The National Institutes of Health and drug companies routinely include women in clinical trials that test for effectiveness of medications. By 1979, over 90% of all NIH-funded trials included women. Beginning in 1985, when the NIH’s National Cancer Center began keeping track of specific cancer funding, it has annually spent more money on breast cancer than any other type of cancer. Currently, women represent over 60% of all subjects in NIH-funded clinical trails.

(Essential reading: Cathy Young and Sally Satel, “The Myth of Gender Bias in Medicine,” Washington, D.C.: The Women’s Freedom Network, 1997.)

6.Myth: Girls have been shortchanged in our gender-biased schools

Fact: No fair-minded person can review the education data and conclude that girls are the have-nots in our schools. Boys are slightly ahead of girls in math and science; girls are dramatically ahead in reading and writing. (The writing skills of 17-year-old boys are at the same level as 14-year- old girls.) Girls get better grades, they have higher aspirations, and they are more likely to go to college.

(See: Trends in Educational Equity of Girls & Women, Washington, D. C.: U.S. Department of Education, June 2000.)

7. Myth: “Our schools are training grounds for sexual harassment… boys are rarely punished, while girls are taught that it is their role to tolerate this humiliating conduct.”

(National Organization of Women, “Issue Report: Sexual Harassment,” April 1998.)

Fact: “Hostile Hallways,” is the best-known study of harassment in grades 8-11. It was commissioned by the American Association of University Women (AAUW) in 1993, and is a favorite of many harassment experts. But this survey revealed that girls are doing almost as much harassing as the boys. According to the study, “85 percent of girls and 76 percent of boys surveyed say they have experienced unwanted and unwelcome sexual behavior that interferes with their lives.”

(Four scholars at the University of Michigan did a careful follow-up study of the AAUW data and concluded: “The majority of both genders (53%) described themselves as having been both victim and perpetrator of harassment — that is most students had been harassed and had harassed others.” And these researchers draw the right conclusion: “Our results led us to question the simple perpetrator-victim model…”)(See: American Education Research Journal, Summer 1996.)

8. Myth: Girls suffer a dramatic loss of self-esteem during adolescence.

Fact: This myth of the incredible shrinking girls was started by Carol Gilligan, professor of gender studies at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Gilligan has always enjoyed higher standing among feminist activists and journalists than among academic research psychologists. Scholars who follow the protocols of social science do not accept the reality of an adolescent “crisis” of confidence and “loss of voice.” In 1993, American Psychologist reported the new consensus among researchers in adolescent development: “It is now known that the majority of adolescents of both genders successfully negotiate this developmental period without any major psychological or emotional disorder [and] develop a positive sense of personal identity.”

(Anne C. Petersen et al. “Depression in Adolescence,” American Psychologist February 1993; see also, Daniel Offer, and Kimberly Schonert-Reichl, “Debunking the Myths of Adolescence: Findings from Recent Research,” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, November 1992.)

9. Myth: Gender is a social construction.

Fact: While environment and socialization do play a significant role in human life, a growing body of research in neuroscience, endocrinology, and psychology over the past 40 years suggests there is a biological basis for many sex differences in aptitudes and preferences. In general, males have better spatial reasoning skills; females better verbal skills. Males are greater risk takers; females are more nurturing.

Of course, this does not mean that women should be prevented from pursuing their goals in any field they choose; what it does suggest is that we should not expect parity in all fields. More women than men will continue to want to stay at home with small children and pursue careers in fields like early childhood education or psychology; men will continue to be over-represented in fields like helicopter mechanics and hydraulic engineering.

Warning: Most gender scholars in our universities have degrees in fields like English or comparative literature–not biology or neuroscience. These self-appointed experts on sexuality are scientifically illiterate. They substitute dogma and propaganda for reasoned scholarship.

(For a review of recent findings on sex differences see a special issue of The Scientific American “Men: The Scientific Truth, ” Fall 2000.)

10. Myth: Women’s Studies Departments empowered women and gave them a voice in the academy.

Fact: Women’s Studies empowered a small group of like-minded careerists. They have created an old-girl network that is far more elitist, narrow and closed than any of the old-boy networks they rail against. Vast numbers of moderate or dissident women scholars have been marginalized, excluded and silenced.

(Essential reading: everything by Camille Paglia; Daphne Patai and Noretta Koertge — Professing Feminism: Cautionary Tales from the Strange World of Women’s Studies; and Christina Hoff Sommers — Who Stole Feminism? How Women have Betrayed Women)

**Should you encounter an item of Ms/information in one of your classes, in a textbook, or a women’s center “fact” sheet, let us know. We will print it on our campus website, SheThinks.org, correct it with accurate information, and politely inform the source of the mistake.

This is like the third video I’ve seen of an old woman taking a shit in public. What the fuck is with these cunts?

Update: Here’s another.

Update #2: Here’s the third.

Not only does this video point out the lack of decency with women, but it also illustrates just how fucking loose women are nowadays. It just went right in…fucking nuts.

The day women left the kitchen and began wiggling their fat asses in public was the day the great American carnivore died. The cunt-dominated group, known as P.E.T.A., is to blame.

The day women left the kitchen and began wiggling their fat asses in public was the day the great American carnivore died. The cunt-dominated group, known as P.E.T.A. is to blame.

Ever since the 19th Amendment, women have been given free reign to voice their retarded fucking opinions like a $2 Filipino whore gets dick at a “rail me before I get the HIV” fuck-off. I, for one, aint buyin’.

P.E.T.A. plans on protesting the yearly gathering of one of the greatest, male dominated, and tastiest industries on the planet. The pork industry. That includes pork chops, ribs, bacon, pork chops on a stick, bacon bits, and bacon.

P.E.T.A. somehow thinks that eating dead shit is some sort of crime. “Meat is murder” they say. How fucking pathetic. People have been clubbing dumb fucking animals over the head for thousands of years. Would these bleeding-heart cunts rather us go back to shooting hundreds of dull-ass arrows at a buffalo until it finally dies from exhaustion or blood loss? Fuck no they wouldn’t. I would though, that shit would be fun…and tasty.

To better illustrate the womanly logic behind P.E.T.A. here’s a portion of their press release. [Source.]

Des Moines, Iowa - Lying nearly naked on large trays and covered with clear plastic in front of signs reading, “Meat Is Murder,” PETA members will mimic typical meat packages on Thursday at Nollen Plaza in response to the 20th annual World Pork Expo, which will be happening nearby at the Iowa State Fairgrounds…
…”We are challenging people to really think about what ‘meat’ is,” says PETA Manager of Vegan Campaigns Lindsay Rajt. “Eating flesh means eating the corpse of a tortured animal who did not want to die. We’re encouraging kind consumers to give vegetarianism a try.”

With that fucked up logic, you could go right ahead and say that since plants were at one time living organisms, eating a plant is unethical as you actually need to kill the fucking thing in order to eat it. After all, who’s to say that your broccoli didn’t suffer after you P.E.T.A. whores so brutally ripped it’s living ass out of the ground. Chances are that broccoli didn’t want to die either. What a load of shit. Do these stupid cunts get all pissy when a Venus Fly Trap eats a frog? Fuck no. I guess plants need to eat.

I’d be willing to bet that half of these cunts have designer handbags. Of those, I’d say that maybe 100% use some sort of glue derived from animals. What now bitches?

Here’s another thing, you dumb whores; meat isn’t murder, cannibalism is. And guess what? Damn near every cunt in P.E.T.A. is a dyke or gobbles cock like it’s going out of style. What that means is that, no matter how hard she tries, she’s eating a little bit of her dyke lover. If she happens to have the honor of sucking me off, she’ll get her protein requirements for the day. Then I’ll call her a murderer for eating millions of my semen that didn’t want to die.

See everybody? This is the stupid shit that happens when you let females dominate any type of anything.

When I came across this first video I had to hunt for some more.

-Dumb Woman Cleans Automatic Doors

-Dumb Women Compilation Vid

-Women and cars don’t mix.

-Stop resisting you hippie slut! Is this one even funny? Yes.
-Women will volunteer for anything as long as it means they get a little attention.

Gentlemen and whores, the age old question of why women go to the restroom in groups has finally been answered.