El Chauvinisto

ONLY ONE RETARDED THING HAS COME OUT OF HER VAGINA!

Actually that is an incorrect statement in the picture. As a man, he will STILL probably grow up to be smarter, better, and stronger than this cunt!

Women are whores (IT’S A FACT)… And there is nothing wrong with whores.

HOWEVER, There is a problem about saying you will do a job and then acting like a spoiled little bitch about it!

What part of this pre-agreed contract did you not understand you stupid whore? Maybe if you weren’t such a god damn Eye soar and learned to shut the fuck up, guys would pay to fuck you instead of piss in your mouth!

By the way, props to the ARTIST who made this video!
It proves that a woman’s mouth is good for everything except SAYING SOMETHING WORTH LISTENING TO!

A Female employee talks about respect in the workforce…

You’re paid to give do a blow job, so quit using company time to bitch about your feelings!

Listen to Dick Masterson’s Voicemail on youtube (if you are unaware who Dick Masterson is… Let’s say Dick is to Chauvinism as Jesus is to Religion)

eventually you will hear some dumb cunt say “What about your mom?” As if they’ve completely disproven chauvinism with this ONE retarded question.
But it got me thinking, why would anyone think a mother would be an exception to the rules of chauvinism… WHEN MEN BEAT WOMEN AT PARENTING! IN FACT MEN ARE SO AWESOME AT IT, NOT HAVING A FATHER CAN BE A LIABILITY!

Don’t believe me? It’s ok… I have PROOF.

DO YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES?
Men are so important to a kid growing up, that not having ENOUGH time with your dad can actually fuck you up for life. SOOOO many Uptight cunts strippers girls that grow up without enough of their dad in their life are almost gurenteed to grow up with fucked up issues.

SO WHAT ABOUT MOTHERS

Spending a lot of time with Mom is the perfect way to be raised… IF YOU WANNA END UP FUCKED UP! Lets disregard the statistics of people in prison who were all RAISED BY SINGLE MOTHERS, lets go over the many ways a moms “care” will FUCK YOU UP! (If you HAVE to be raised be a single mother, hopefully she will neglect you to the point where you end up HALF WAY NORMAL!)

Momma’s Boy- the goal of every woman… a subservient man-slave to serve their every neurotic desire that they don’t have to have sex with. They nutuer anything that would make him a MAN all for their own selfish gain, because having a needy co-dependent man in her life is the closest that bitch can have to making a relationship work with a man.

Fat Bitch- This is the type of girl that mommy just HAD to make “feel good” about themselves. She’s the fat, uptight, bitchy type of girl that ended up that way because mommy told her shit like “What do you mean those boys called you a stupid face? They’re the ones with the a stupid face! Would you like another slice of chocolate cake sweety?”

”Independent” Woman- This type of girl is to independence as lawyers are to improving modern medical treatment. She is not REALY independent, just angry, irrational, and with that ever SOOO pleasant “IT’S CAUSE I’M A WOMAN?!” Attitude (can you say LOL-suits for everyone?). Why? Because mommy had to teach her she is entitled to everything in the world, Even if she lacks the qualifications needed.

What happens when a father spends too much time with his kid?

Well, worse case is you can end up with a “daddy’s girl”… But women are fuck up’s naturally, so you can’t blame the father for his overdue abortion daughter being delusional. As a father, he just didn’t have enough heart to beat the dumb bitch in to realizing she’s just another hole for a man to fuck and chuck.
But even when men “fuck up” as parents, they still kick more ass at raising that little shit machine tax deduction, than any woman who THINKS they’re doing a “good” job.

A man Beats his or molests his kid- By FAR the worse thing a man can do other than NOT BE THERE! But if this happens to a girl, It’s a fucking WIN! Have you ever nailed a chick who was diddled by daddy when they were young? It’s awesome! Those sluts are fucking AMAZING in the sack! Even better, THEY ARE EASY AS FUCK AND UP FOR ANYTHING! As far as I’m concerned, there aren’t ENOUGH dad’s molesting their daughters!

Getting a fellow man laid +500 MAN POINTS!

Even the boys who get beaten or molested by their pops usually end up some tough mother fuckers. Now I would NEVER condone a Father molesting his son, but at least he doesn’t end up as pathetic as a MAMA’S BOY if it does happen.

Pick up artists are an odd group. On one hand they manipulate women into having sex with them by putting them down, lying, never paying for anything for them, or being loyal with one girl (which is all pretty manly)…
But on the other hand they handle it in a pretty lame way. They use jargon as if picking up women required the same skill as writing up an income statement, they believe ANY man can get ANY women the same way women think acting like a bitch will weed out assholes and help you find Mr. Right, and they get butt hurt easily.

They also DENY with all their hearts that they are chauvinists in the least bit… But I can respect that, because anyone who can lie so well that they convince themselves it’s true is a damn good liar.

I like to fuck around on the internet (as if this website wasn’t proof enough). It makes life more interesting for me, life more hellish to twats, and the internet a better place to make fun of people. While I am guilty of being a jovial-jack ass, what hurts is when I ask a serious question and get treated like a 3rd strike offender.

So when I asked the men of www.theattractionforums.com for some serious man-vice with this question, you can imagine my shock when they used the ban hammer against me for being “too mysoginistic.”

“So I have a question, I was fucking this bitch I met all nasty style and at first things were going good… but then this bitch started getting on my nerves. While I was ramming my sweet cock-cicle all up in that pussy hole she started moaning and shit.
FUCK TALK ABOUT A DISTRACTION! I asked her politely “Can you please shut the fuck up? I’m trying to have an orgasm here!”

MY QUESTION IS how can I get these bitches to stop asking me stupid questions after sex, and start asking me questions that are actually important like “Can I make you a sandwich?””

But after getting banned, I realized my problem… I was asking the wrong people. Getting advise from an internet forum on how to nail chicks is pointless because if these guys were getting laid, they wouldn’t be on a site asking other guys who don’t get laid, how to get laid.

Many of the people that meet me at parties hear I am a writer for this site. Some people think its AWSOME, and some people wanna cut my penis off for it. The people who don’t start crying or try and try to cut off my penis will usually tell me how awesome what I do is and tell me jokes about smacking women around.
Though I laugh, I am not for the Idea of a man hitting a woman. The reason I am not so excited for this idea is because the idea of a punching bag that cries and bleeds everywhere sounds like an annoying and messy workout hitting a woman means you see them as an equal.

Women are not, and never will be equal to men… and ladies why would you want to be? We make all the money are competitive, know how to not cry about everything are emotionally dead inside, and don’t know the meaning of quit till the job is fucking DONE! don’t stop doing things when we could be spending time elsewhere. Having a hole for shoving my cock in different perspective for life is a GOOD thing.
Any scenario where you hit a woman should be seen the same way you would hit a dog, unnecessary MOST of the time (However if a bitch attacking you, it’s self defense and no animal cruelty laws apply). It’s a mans discretion that determines if a bitch needs a good smacking, and multiple men agreeing the bitch needed it is always a good rule of thumb.

However the proper and polite way to treat a women is like a car. They should be used up to the full capacity with regular maintenance so you can chuck the old piece of shit for something new to use up and repeat the process.

-It is polite to take her out to dinner the same way it’s a good idea to put gas in your car.
-It’s proper to go out and do something the same way it’s proper to change your cars oil.

However you better believe the moment that alternator goes out (just like when your relationship loses its spark) you better chuck that old piece of shit for a newer younger model and hope you get better millage out of this one.

Of course when I explain this to people they say “but what about you and your girlfriend, how does SHE feel about this?” Ok, you got me everyone… I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I AM aware it is a loss of man points but I have enough to spare (if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to get a girlfriend to begin with). I usually explain two things to these people.
1) The first thing I always explain the reason she hasn’t gone broke up with me knowing FULL WELL what I do in my real life and what I post on this site.

The simple truth is I have a large penis She gets treated well, so why should she care what the reason is she is getting treated well?

I usually than explain how chivalry isn’t the retarded worship of women that day dreaming fat cunts think it is…(author of twilight)

it’s a way to treat women because we feel pity for something that can’t do anything for itself.

2) The second thing is of course, a lie to make them feel good. Women LOVE to be lied to! Of course they SAY they like honesty, but they like honesty the same way they like going to the gym… It’s a good idea but in reality it’s too painful and hard for them to deal with so they will come up with excuses lies reasons why they don’t wanna be around it. So what is my feel good speech at parties?
“Women ARE like cars (rest of speech)… However, now and again you will come across a rare collectable Shelby mustang, Corvette, (insert any classic car hear) that is worth putting in the extra time, money and effort in to. You begin to love that car and it becomes an ‘object of affection.’”
So what happens next?

The Ladies
Immediately every woman in the room goes “awwwww” because they somehow think they are this extremely rare special exception. I’ve even had it go to where women start trying to decide what kind of car they are, which is hilarious because you get to REALLY see another reason why men are superior. This will spark and opening for men to get women to talk to them and more than likely get them laid.
Getting your fellow man laid: +500 man points.

The Gents
They respect the speech, they know the bull shit, respect an opening that they can agree chauvinism is awesome that doesn’t get women clamoring to cut off their penises, and gets them laid.

My Girlfriend
Knows me, my beliefs, and that it’s part true and part bullshit. She doesn’t care… It makes her look good, and makes her laugh inside she knows women are stupid… especially the ones that can’t do the math on how many cars on the road are sweet collectables, and that the majority are pieces of shit.

Men know how to celebrate shit, It’s a fact! Don’t believe me go to bourbon street on Mardi Gras. You think bitches getting their tits out was a woman’s Idea??? FUCK NO! WOMEN DON’T HAVE IDEAS…. PERIOD!

Seeing as new years eve I was sick I couldn’t REALLY CELEBRATE, I decided to make up for my half-assed getting drunk that night by celebrating the start of 2010 in NEW ORLEANS with my buddy MR. BASTeRD (I spelled it incorrectly because there are no tards when it comes to REAL men)!

We got fucked up on bourbon st and decided the only way to celebrate this shit was to post the manliest conversation of ALL TIME!! We decided also that being drunk while having the manliest conversation of all time was the manliest way to do it! Sure, drinking may impair our judgment as well as my writing abilities… but GOD DAMN IT, IF IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ERNEST HEMINGWAY IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

What makes this the manliest conversation ever? Well you can bitch about how “we ain’t real men” like some retarded single mother trying to insult the father of her kid that was smart enough to leave the dumb bitch the moment she turned raising a child into her way of saying “we should get married”, or you could listen… like a MAN!

Men are the only ones who can decide what’s manly, and seeing as we’re the only two men speaking right now, I’d say we’re the only one RIGHT now who CAN decide whats manly.

THE MANLIEST CONVERSATION OF 2010 EVER

El pup- so what are the manliest things we can talk about

Mr. Basterd- Hot bitches, violence, and money. Speaking of violence, hunting is manly as fuck!

El pup- I concur, hunting is fucking manly! You know, men are so god damn fucking awesome at hunting they need to put “seasons” and “tag limits” on killing shit.

Mr. Basterd- it’s because men like chalange. If we didn’t put restrictions on the shit MEN could kill, we would kill and eat the fuck out of EVERYTHING that moves. I mean SERIOUSLY!

El Pup- I didn’t work my way to the top of the food chain to eat fucking salad.

Mr. Basterd- Notice how a steak house will serve you a salad before your steak… it’s to remind you how great that steak is once it comes to the table.

El pup- Speaking of pieces of meat, lets talk about hot bitches.

Mr. Basterd- you know how 9/10 guys will say Megan Fox is hot, but only 1/10 women will admit it?

El pup- that’s because women think traits they think they possess but really don’t like “personality” and “talent” some how fall in to the category of attractiveness…. As if women have either.

Mr. Basterd- well what are they gonna do, rub their double D “personalities” in my face while their “talent” jacks me off? I don’t think so.

El pup- Maybe in the future we can rename breasts to “personalities” so finally girls can be loved for that… but I have a feeling even THAT won’t shut bitches up.

Mr. Basterd- ain’t it funny that a woman with a nice rack and zero talent will bring in more money than any cunt who thinks her “over achieving drama club” status makes up for her disgusting waist line?

El pup- define “over achieving”. Over achieving to a woman is like running a marathon for a person in a wheel chair… you can “try” all you want, but at the end of the day you ain’t gonna be running because you physically are just incapable of doing it. Actually that’s a horrible analogy, people in wheel chairs over come adversity. Women just make blame men for all of their problems.

Mr. Basterd- It ain’t our fault we EARN 25 cents more an hour. Maybe if you weren’t busy updating your facebook instead of getting the shit you are getting paid to do done, affirmative action wouldn’t be the only reason you have a job.

Well, that was the manliest conversation ever. Shorter than you thought it would be? That’s just cause REAL MEN get straight to the point instead of going on about useless descriptions about feelings that serve NO FUCKING PURPOSE TO THE STORY!

During this conversation we drank 7 alcoholic drinks (each), farted 8 times (in total), and told 1 hot bitch to fuck off till tomarrow.

There are many manly ways to celebrate your new year in 2010, but there is one manly thing we can all agree on no matter how you do… and thats BITCHES AIN’T SHIT!

Whenever a women reads my rants, she automaticly assumes I must be gay.

What women don’t understand is logic sarcasm that men who know they are better than women are not gay, not in the least.

Women- “so why don’t you just become gay so you don’t have to deal with women?”

El- You don’t think we would if we could?! Being Gay would be AWESOME! Gay guys take care of their appearance, can’t get knocked up to trap people in relationship, and best of all can’t get married.

However God is a Man, Because Jesus wasn’t conceived by imaculate scissoring and Men have compassion for lower level beings (why do you think we pay for a woman’s date).
God felt sorry for his 2nd best creation (They’re high on the list because women are good for making more of the #1 thing on that list… men) so he made sure that women did not go into extinction by forcing men to be attracted to them.

Woman- “but how can you have sex with women if you hate them so much?”

El- Well let me explain 2 things: FIRST, we don’t HATE women. A Chauvinist just makes clear as day observations, then compares it EQUALLY to a man.
The second thing is that a man doesn’t have to respect something to have sex with it. If men did respect everything they had sex with Paris Hilton would never get laid, and men would worship their hands since more has been done by a mans hand than by any woman.

But upon second thought I remembered something, REAL MEN don’t have sex WITH WOMEN!

“But wait El Pup, I love screwing women! What the fuck!”

Well imaginary man who is interupting me like a woman that I made up for the sake of this article, let me explain.

Real men don’t have sex WITH WOMEN, They have sex AT WOMEN!

“But what’s the difference El Pup?”

Well obviously fake man who is not figuring out things like a woman that I made up for the sake of this article, let me explain some more.

Women make up over 51% of the worlds population despite being an “oppressed minority”, so whenever you go somewhere, half of the people you interact with will be women.

Now as a Man, I’m amazing at sex. In fact I’m so good at sex I don’t need anyone to help me. Women are not near as good at sex. They constantly have to ask Men what they like, They cant have orgasms, But worse of all they keep buying up vibrators with the mindset of a Poor person buying a lotto ticket… Sure, it feels good and you might even get some small wins, but your never gonna hit the jackpot and it’s just a distraction from not being able to get what you want.

As a man, I feel sorry for women. So if I have nothing better to do, I’ll ocassionally have sex at a woman. Do I care enough to care about them during the act? God No! I’m already delaying the result that could be happening in 5 minutes out of pitty for you, as far as I’m concerned you’re either cummin with me or you ain’t cummin at all.

Having sex with women is a loss of man points EVERYTIME!
-Making a girl orgasm intentionally without bragging about it to her afterward: Minus 10 manpoints
-Trying to make your penis bigger for the ladies: Minus 50 manpoints
-Saying I love you after sex: Minus 25 manpoints (during or before sex doesn’t matter, we all say shit we don’t mean for a good laugh to tell our buddies)
-giving her head: Minus 100 Manpoints (are you getting any enjoyment out of it? if not whats the point?)
-letting her “guide” you: lose every manpoint! (women can’t give dirrections for shit, women can’t give themselves orgasms, and women can’t be leaders… So please tell me what part of a woman telling a man what to do by giving them directions on how to give them something they can’t give themselves sounds like a good idea?).

Are your stressing about what to get that girl who thinks you’re her boyfriend, but you never made it official so your not; but your getting her a Christmas gift anyways so she keeps blowing you?

Yeah me neither, but women like to think you spend all day worrying about this kinda shit so lets assume you ended up on this site in hopes to get her a great gift (it will shut her up for a few minutes so just play along).
Women hate to be happy! Women hate it almost as much as hearing the truth (MABTW).

Women ask questions there are no right answer to like “Do you think she is prettier than me?” while a Victoria’s Secret commercial is on.

This only leaves you with 3 wrong answers you can give, which will all ”Feel” (the women equivalent of listening) “Sound” to her like the following:

-“No, because I’m a liar and I don’t trust you enough to tell the truth”
-“No… She’s HOTTER than you. Saying that girl is JUST “pretty” is like saying Cancer is an incovinence. In fact I think I’m gonna start pretending you’re a more attractive person next time I fuck you.” (because she ”feels” “hears” all the things you “DON’T say”, when you answer with a simple yes)
- “Can we just skip to the part where you get mad at me for not answering this right?” (the only one she hears correctly, but still pisses her off)

However what men don’t realize when they answer these accusation traps “questions” is they are giving women EXACTLY what they want: fuel to be bitchy DISAPPOINTMENT!

Men, how many girls do you know that like to play the victim? That’s right, ALL OF THEM!

If you give women little shit to play the victim over, imagine how happy they will be when they go cry to all their whiney chick friends (or guy friends who they want attention from)but don’t have any REAL problem after all.
If women didn’t love being disappointed, why do you think they would do any of the following:
-Allow themselves to stay in an abusive relationship

-Stay obsessed with a guy who told them “I like you, but I don’t wanna be with you”

-Use sex to lure a guy to do favors for them, then complain that all men do is use them for sex.
”INSERT PICTURE OF MOST RECENT EX-GIRLFRIEND HERE”

The list goes on forever, so I refuse to list it all because men not only get to the point, but cause they have one EVERYTIME before say something. However there is one thing I do need to put emphisis on… Give them LITTLE shit to be disappointed over. Something TOO BIG is just gonna get them to get a man to kick your ass.
A good way to determine if it is truly “little” is the man test… if another MAN cried to you about a similar problem would you look at him and go:
“what are you complaining about? Awwwwww, I’m sorry baby… does your quivering vagina hurt?”

How can you give girls their little bits of disappointment that she so desperately needs to fuel her pitty tank? Use these following gifts!
1. Clothes- No matter what you will fuck this up! You will either get the wrong size, something she doesn’t like, or something else stupid .

MAN-Vantage: Isn’t enough for her to stop loving your cock, but is surely enough to bring some light water works on Christmas morning.

MISS-advantage: You have to deal with her crying.

2. Dick in a Box- This has to be done right, but if executed the way A REAL MAN WOULD it will bring you both “joy”. Give her the dick in a box, after she opens it and fucks you because she’s a cock hungry whore She’s desperate to gain your approval she loves you prepare to execute her part of the gift. Explain that all you got her was the dick in a box (reason why doesn’t matter, a man can think up any excuse).

MAN-Vantage: She’ll cry for at least a day, and not talk to you for about a week, which is a definite WIN/WIN!

MISS-advantage: She’ll think you “owe” her once she remembers she doesn’t wanna die alone and starts harassing talking to you again.

3. A videogame (AKA a gift you’ll like that you know she won’t)- while the last item is not exclusive to the videogames, it’s the best for this example. Say that you really want to do the same things with her that you are in to. After that buy something you want like a videogame that is a first person shooter. When you give it to her explain “This is so you can get better at these kinda games so we can play together”

MAN-Vantage: she won’t do that obnouxious crying thing and will pretend that it’s the sweetest thing ever, but get frustrated within the 1st 20 minutes of failing trying to learn. Eventually she will hate the game, give it to you, and get to bitch to her friend how it was a shitty gift.

MISS-advantage: It won’t give her the FULL MISS-satisfaction she truly craves because it was a “sweet” idea.

Men, notice that this is all little shit that if a man complained about you would immediately slap him and call him a bitch. THAT is how you will know you are giving her the disappointment that truly makes her woman soul or lack there of happy… Because if you aren’t making them happy, lord knows they will blame you for them not being able to create happiness for themselves.